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How Do You Communicate With Your Kids?

By Erica Roth January 15, 2017
Growing up is a rocky terrain, and sometimes our kids aren’t sure how to express themselves. During these times especially, it is important to keep the lines of communication open. I know there will be a time when my 8-year-old daughter doesn’t want to share parts of her life with me, but I want to do my best to make her feel comfortable talking with me for as long as possible. I want to be able to help her when she has trouble with friends, teachers, schoolwork, or just life, and I also want to share in her joys! Sometimes, though, after a long day of school, she doesn’t feel like opening up. Here are some things I do to encourage her to share about her day.
  • No pressure. If a child doesn’t feel like talking, they probably aren’t going to talk. Insisting and nagging aren’t going to help. If my daughter is in a quiet mood, I stop asking questions, and sometimes she will open up after dinner or when she’s getting ready to go to sleep.
  • Don’t ask yes/no or good/bad questions. If the answer to your question can be answered with yes, no, good, bad, or any other single word, you probably aren’t going to learn any specifics about your child’s day. If I am concerned about how my daughter is doing socially, I don’t ask “How are you getting along with Jane?” I might say “What did Jane do at recess today?” or “Who did Jane sit with at lunch today?”. If she is having trouble in math, I might ask “What was your hardest/easiest math problem today?” to get the conversation going.
  • Spend time together. Evenings can be chaotic during the school year, but when I can, I make sure we all eat dinner together or go for a walk if the weather is nice. It doesn’t happen every night, trust me, but we do it when we can.
  • Don’t criticize. If your child handled something differently than you would have liked, don’t say “You should have done this.” or “Why didn’t you do that?”. Respect that your child is an individual who will handle things his/her own way, and also that they are learning how to navigate the world. Experience is the best way to learn, and mistakes will be made. If I want to tell my daughter how I handled a certain situation, I may say something like, “One time, when I was your age, that happened to me and here’s what I did. We all do things differently, don’t we?” This shows her that it’s OK to do things differently, and also subtly gives her an idea of how to handle the situation the next time, without making her feel badly about herself.